When I was in college, I first noticed a strange phenomenon regarding the way in which women dressed and how men responded to them. For a week at St. Pats our school would “Green Up” since St. Patrick was the patron saint of engineers and my school was primarily engineering. This included these Kelly green sweatshirts that were the standard uniform for the week, and many other chilly days during the year. They were very unique to the campus. What would happen, then, during this week is that the entire campus would proceed to get drunk and party- they even gave us two days off to do this. Activities began early in the morning and lasted until early in the morning. Due to this fact, it was entirely possible for the students to start off in the day time with the jeans and sweatshirts and end the evening in the same jeans and sweatshirts.
Also during this time, there would be visitors to the campus from other schools in the surrounding areas. At night, the local bar or fraternity parties would have girls showing up in their hot pants, tight skirts, slinky tops and clear indication that they were not “Rolla Girls”. The ratio at my school was 5 guys to 1 girl so the logical thought here was that the men would love this change from their standard fare. Taking a look at these girls all decked out and shiny compared to the slightly disheveled, drunk Rolla girl wearing a green sweatshirt (or some other comfortable clothing), one would think the rolla girls would get ignored. Invariably though, this wasn’t the case. These men would talk to the out of towner girls for a little while and come racing back to the Rolla women. This was not simply out of friendship either. It occurred time and time again that at the end of the night, these girls would be shuffled off drinking their wine coolers to pass out somewhere, while the Rolla girls were still up hanging with the boys and getting all the attention and flirting.
Fast forwarding a few years to life after college, and this behavior is still remarked upon. I’ve heard it several times from many of my girlfriends.
“Why is it that when I look my worst, when I’m all scruffy and not dressed up, is when I get hit on the most.”
I believe that the first initial answer to this question is that a man can see you as you really look and makes the judgment at that time if he can accept you “at your worst.” But I don’t believe that to be true at all. A man will judge whether he will hook up with you at your worst or your best and there really isn’t much different in between. Short of looking absolutely slovenly, of course. I’m not talking about the not showering for days kind of look (although I hear camping can be an adventure in that area).
I think the answer lies in the demeanor of the woman, and that is what a man finds so appealing. The confidence we have to just be ourselves when we’re not trying to impress anyone and just want to have fun. When we get all “dolled up” we tend to be wearing tight, but cute, shoes that invariably rub some spot on our feet. Or we have a shirt or skirt that has to be constantly adjusted to make sure a body part isn’t popping out too far. Tights/hose have to be yanked up and our hair has to be brushed and make up reapplied during the evenings out in order to maintain the “look” that we have going for us.
When we end up going out in our “just bumming it” look, we don’t care about these things. We think that we’re not looking hot so there is really nothing we can do about it at that point so we don’t have to worry about the clothing factor and can just have a good time. Men pick up on this vibe. We’re relaxed and can engage with them more.
Another key thing is that we are more approachable. A man walks in and sees a woman dressed to the nines and acting like it or he looks around and sees another girl smiling in a tshirt, jeans and sneakers at a bar. Remember- a smile is the biggest invitation to a man right off the bat.
Women don’t only dress up for men either, we dress up for each other- the competition. When we aren’t dressed up, we fall off that radar of direct competition with the other women in the room. We aren’t a threat to them directly, so for the comfortable girl, she doesn’t get the added pressure of feeling self conscious with the other women in the room. She already KNOWS she isn’t measuring up and she accepts it.
There are the rare women who look good in everything and at every time and do it naturally. Whether they deal with self confidence issues or not, I don’t know.
But for the rest of us, just think about it the next time you go out. If it’s a Friday night and you know everyone is going to be dressed up- take the time to consciously dress down and see what kind of attention you get. I’m not advocating that we do this all the time, however, for we have to go through the pain of dressing up at times to really fall into the understanding of how comfortable it is not too- and that is the confidence that will attract the men we want.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Where in the Solar System are we?
If a picture is worth a thousand words, then perhaps a glance could be worth a thousand emotions. I recently read that within one glance a man will sum up a woman with one question: “Would I sleep with her?” And then out of that glance about 70% of the women that a man comes in contact with are put into the “No” category. This is the reason they just HAVE to have that look. It is instinct for them to visualize that question and answer it immediately. It is not even considered window shopping, it’s the primal urge they are born with, and while most do it sub-consciously, its still done.
A woman’s primal instinct is to breed, a man’s is to find someone to breed with. We have an entirely different and complex system by which we “instantly” judge a man. I think the problem, however, is that we’re unclear whether those judgments are made from social pressures we are raised to adhere too or if they are the equal instinctual reaction.
While I was waiting for the train recently, I played the game with myself: I looked at all the men within my direct vicinity and asked myself the yes or no question. On no other criteria than looks alone, I ticked off each man into a “yes” “No” and “possibly” category. The interesting thing is that I had to consciously force myself to look around and ask myself this question. On a typical basis, most of the men I see pass by without such a quick assessment of them. Obviously, there are those that catch my eye, and I’ll turn a lustful stare at a well formed ass or nice broad shoulders, but it is not typical.
Why is this? I think that as a woman, my brain has been pre selected what attracts it and what is off limits. It also has the capability to desire more than just the “physical”. I am looking for not only a mate, but a potential father. I also know for myself that I wait to see who tries to catch my attention. If a man stares at me, I don’t think “sex” I think, Wow..he has nice eyes, or .. do I have food in my teeth?
How much of this thinking has been a condition of my upbringing? Wouldn’t it make more sense, logically, for me to want to “try out” as many potential partners as possible in order to ensure the best choice for my future offspring? Lets hear it for natural selection! Men are encouraged in this type of behavior from early on, whereas women who show an inclination towards it are shunned, put down, or have it corrected as bad behavior.
The women of the late 60s/70s understood this concept and practiced free love, but it was unfortunately coupled with the explosion of drugs. This free love concept got shot down as a side effect off too much acid instead of being held up as a changing historical trend for women.
Fast forward 30 years to the millennia. The availability of education for all and mass trends in communication have leveled the playing field between men and women in the work force and every year the glass ceiling gets closer and closer to shattering.
And yet on the mating level, the trends are showing higher rates of divorces than ever before. Are the sexes, on an instinctual level, being brought up with conditional responses that put us too far apart to understand each other at the fundamental levels anymore?
I don’t believe it is the requirement that the “MEN” in the world adapt themselves to suit us, instead, I think we should be modifying our own behaviors as women to get back to our basic instincts. If we could do that for ourselves and our future generations, we might be able to rectify the widening gap and realize that in the end, we are ALL from Earth.
A woman’s primal instinct is to breed, a man’s is to find someone to breed with. We have an entirely different and complex system by which we “instantly” judge a man. I think the problem, however, is that we’re unclear whether those judgments are made from social pressures we are raised to adhere too or if they are the equal instinctual reaction.
While I was waiting for the train recently, I played the game with myself: I looked at all the men within my direct vicinity and asked myself the yes or no question. On no other criteria than looks alone, I ticked off each man into a “yes” “No” and “possibly” category. The interesting thing is that I had to consciously force myself to look around and ask myself this question. On a typical basis, most of the men I see pass by without such a quick assessment of them. Obviously, there are those that catch my eye, and I’ll turn a lustful stare at a well formed ass or nice broad shoulders, but it is not typical.
Why is this? I think that as a woman, my brain has been pre selected what attracts it and what is off limits. It also has the capability to desire more than just the “physical”. I am looking for not only a mate, but a potential father. I also know for myself that I wait to see who tries to catch my attention. If a man stares at me, I don’t think “sex” I think, Wow..he has nice eyes, or .. do I have food in my teeth?
How much of this thinking has been a condition of my upbringing? Wouldn’t it make more sense, logically, for me to want to “try out” as many potential partners as possible in order to ensure the best choice for my future offspring? Lets hear it for natural selection! Men are encouraged in this type of behavior from early on, whereas women who show an inclination towards it are shunned, put down, or have it corrected as bad behavior.
The women of the late 60s/70s understood this concept and practiced free love, but it was unfortunately coupled with the explosion of drugs. This free love concept got shot down as a side effect off too much acid instead of being held up as a changing historical trend for women.
Fast forward 30 years to the millennia. The availability of education for all and mass trends in communication have leveled the playing field between men and women in the work force and every year the glass ceiling gets closer and closer to shattering.
And yet on the mating level, the trends are showing higher rates of divorces than ever before. Are the sexes, on an instinctual level, being brought up with conditional responses that put us too far apart to understand each other at the fundamental levels anymore?
I don’t believe it is the requirement that the “MEN” in the world adapt themselves to suit us, instead, I think we should be modifying our own behaviors as women to get back to our basic instincts. If we could do that for ourselves and our future generations, we might be able to rectify the widening gap and realize that in the end, we are ALL from Earth.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Aw Chutes, I fell off my Ladders
Reminisce with me for a moment back to your childhood days and all the board games that were played back then. These brightly colored challenges were not only instrumental in learning motor and communicational skills at a young age- they were the building blocks of the “life lessons” we all have to learn.
Take, for instance, the game of Chutes and Ladders: The purpose of this game was to reach the top of the board starting at the bottom by advancing based on the number chosen by a spinner. The challenge came in through the form of the Chutes and Ladders that were on the game. If a player landed on a square with a Ladder, they could advance from one to many rows closer to the goal, and if a player landed on a Chute, they had to slide down the rows and squares farther from the goal. If a player never landed on a square with a shoot or a ladder, they could still reach the end of the game.
How is this a life lesson? It demonstrates in small doses, the feelings of the ups and downs we all eventually experience. The spinner is relative to the “Chance” in our lives. It is through chance that we experience good luck, and therefore get to go up in life and that same chance can send us back down again. I can remember playing the game and having a rush every time I got closer to the goal and the disappointment of having to slide down- even if the SLIDING down part was more fun sometimes, it still left me farther behind than I was before.
The social interaction experienced during this simple game is also a part of the lesson. Although you have a better chance of winning with a two player game, it is sometimes much more fun the more competitors you have. And what about those competitors?
Remember the poor losers? They would always cry or throw a tantrum even though it was only chance that led them to losing. They might blame the other players for their loss.
How about the poor winners? The gloaters who ran around saying “I WON, I WON” and making a big deal about how great their win was. Sometimes this behavior is what would set off a poor loser.
The gracious winners/losers are always there- the ones who smile and clap and want to play again- regardless of who won or lost.
The cheaters existed- the ones who would try to make the spinner stop exactly on the number they wanted, or pushed their piece ahead a square or row when no one was watching.
And finally- the purposeful loser- the one who threw their OWN game in order to be well liked by NOT winning when they had every opportunity too. (Parents usually fell into this category).
These are the behaviors of people from age 6 to 96. When you go back to your own childhood gaming experiences- what type of player were you then?
Are you still that type of “game” player now? I bet most of us are- or have versions of that former self still ingrained into us.
Maybe we should all revisit our childhood games and take a closer look at just how well we play with others.
Take, for instance, the game of Chutes and Ladders: The purpose of this game was to reach the top of the board starting at the bottom by advancing based on the number chosen by a spinner. The challenge came in through the form of the Chutes and Ladders that were on the game. If a player landed on a square with a Ladder, they could advance from one to many rows closer to the goal, and if a player landed on a Chute, they had to slide down the rows and squares farther from the goal. If a player never landed on a square with a shoot or a ladder, they could still reach the end of the game.
How is this a life lesson? It demonstrates in small doses, the feelings of the ups and downs we all eventually experience. The spinner is relative to the “Chance” in our lives. It is through chance that we experience good luck, and therefore get to go up in life and that same chance can send us back down again. I can remember playing the game and having a rush every time I got closer to the goal and the disappointment of having to slide down- even if the SLIDING down part was more fun sometimes, it still left me farther behind than I was before.
The social interaction experienced during this simple game is also a part of the lesson. Although you have a better chance of winning with a two player game, it is sometimes much more fun the more competitors you have. And what about those competitors?
Remember the poor losers? They would always cry or throw a tantrum even though it was only chance that led them to losing. They might blame the other players for their loss.
How about the poor winners? The gloaters who ran around saying “I WON, I WON” and making a big deal about how great their win was. Sometimes this behavior is what would set off a poor loser.
The gracious winners/losers are always there- the ones who smile and clap and want to play again- regardless of who won or lost.
The cheaters existed- the ones who would try to make the spinner stop exactly on the number they wanted, or pushed their piece ahead a square or row when no one was watching.
And finally- the purposeful loser- the one who threw their OWN game in order to be well liked by NOT winning when they had every opportunity too. (Parents usually fell into this category).
These are the behaviors of people from age 6 to 96. When you go back to your own childhood gaming experiences- what type of player were you then?
Are you still that type of “game” player now? I bet most of us are- or have versions of that former self still ingrained into us.
Maybe we should all revisit our childhood games and take a closer look at just how well we play with others.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Peace of Mind or Piece of Ass
Now this is one of those blogs where you, as the reader, will have to be utterly truthful with yourself in order to answer this question. We love to lie to ourselves based on what we think everyone else would want to hear or what we THINK we should be saying based on morality of the world- but sometimes those answers aren’t what we really feel deep down inside about an issue. That being said, think about these scenario and how you would REALLY feel.
You have been through the highs and the lows of the dating scene. Had your heart broken, crushed a few along the way, all in the hopes that you will be finding THE one that will make you the happiest person in the world. You’ve not settled, you’ve maintained your ideal and along the way- the universe answers your call. It sends you the perfect mate. He is your soul mate, the one you want to be with forever.
You get married, you move in together, you start having the most perfect children in the world. The job is stable, you’re happy- he’s happy- you’re all happy. This is what you’ve told yourself you wanted and now you have it.
What is it worth to you to keep?
Now, lets say, unbeknownst to you, your perfect husband isn’t so perfect? He has decided that you aren’t the one for him OR he’s just not satisfied with ONE person only and he cheats on you.
Would you want to know? That is my question- would you want to find out that your entire happiness that you’ve built up is called into question because he must find solace in the arms of others. What if he does love you but just can’t be faithful?
Everything you’ve wanted your entire life you have. Is peace of mind worth more than knowing about his piece of ass?
Now- flip that coin. Let say you are the one who cheats- for whatever reason- but you know that ultimately he will NEVER find out about it.
Do you still feel honor bound to tell him about it? Ruining HIS happiness to alleviate the guilt you feel about it? What is the right thing to do?
His happiness or your honor?
We all know that in both situations ONCE the transgression is known it will have to be dealt with- either in break up..trust lost.. etc etc.
My questions focus on the bliss we have when we’re ignorant. Our ability to fly before someone tells us we don’t have wings.
You have been through the highs and the lows of the dating scene. Had your heart broken, crushed a few along the way, all in the hopes that you will be finding THE one that will make you the happiest person in the world. You’ve not settled, you’ve maintained your ideal and along the way- the universe answers your call. It sends you the perfect mate. He is your soul mate, the one you want to be with forever.
You get married, you move in together, you start having the most perfect children in the world. The job is stable, you’re happy- he’s happy- you’re all happy. This is what you’ve told yourself you wanted and now you have it.
What is it worth to you to keep?
Now, lets say, unbeknownst to you, your perfect husband isn’t so perfect? He has decided that you aren’t the one for him OR he’s just not satisfied with ONE person only and he cheats on you.
Would you want to know? That is my question- would you want to find out that your entire happiness that you’ve built up is called into question because he must find solace in the arms of others. What if he does love you but just can’t be faithful?
Everything you’ve wanted your entire life you have. Is peace of mind worth more than knowing about his piece of ass?
Now- flip that coin. Let say you are the one who cheats- for whatever reason- but you know that ultimately he will NEVER find out about it.
Do you still feel honor bound to tell him about it? Ruining HIS happiness to alleviate the guilt you feel about it? What is the right thing to do?
His happiness or your honor?
We all know that in both situations ONCE the transgression is known it will have to be dealt with- either in break up..trust lost.. etc etc.
My questions focus on the bliss we have when we’re ignorant. Our ability to fly before someone tells us we don’t have wings.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
The Guy Types v.1
The Athlete:
Advantages: Great Body, Good willpower, usually very focused, optimistic and has a winning attitude. Very competitive. Loves devoted fans.
Disadvantages: Frowns on Pizza and Ice cream nights, doesn’t like to sleep in on weekends, likes to point out where on you that need to work a little harder on. Doesn’t like to be wrong. Engages in locker room gossip.
The Professional
Advantages: Makes good money, has a nice car, doesn’t mind picking up the bar tab. Can be very outgoing, personable, friendly. Makes nice with mom and dad easily.
Disadvantages: Can be more devoted to work that you. Can’t be sure the line you’re hearing is the truth or a sales pitch. Can make you feel guilty for wanting more than he has to offer, even if what he thinks he has to offer is the material possessions. Has trouble discussing the deep emotions.
The Good ole boy
Advantages: Likes to have fun. Can play pool or darts for hours. Considers himself lucky to have a girl like you beside him. Is Independent and can look really good in Levi’s.
Disadvantages: That dead thing in the back of his truck he shot that morning. A penchant for enjoying the fine culinary tastes of pork rinds and Schlitz beer. The expanding beer gut. Will talk about the relationship but has trouble relating to our personal needs and sends us off to talk to our girlfriends about that.
The Foreigner:
Advantages: They can be garbage men, but when they speak in the sexy accent its makes us swoon. New cultural differences. Can be very exotic and charming. Are often less concerned about our body flaws than American men are. Fun and different.
Disadvantages: Language barriers make communication difficult. Cultural differences can also come into play down the line. Having parents that live in a foreign land, and can’t speak the language (this might be listed as an advantage).
The Metrosexual
Advantages: Always nicely turned out, from the shoes to the Armani sunglasses. Will go shopping with you, likes eating in nice restaurants, isn’t afraid to show the tender side and discuss emotions.
Disadvantages: Can be more dramatic than a girl sometimes. Often needs ego boosting and reinforcement. Might not be out of the closet.
The Rocker
Advantages: Can sing and play an instrument really well, which usually translates to being able to play you really well: physically and mentally. Likes the party and the fun life. Can be very soulful and intuitive and isn’t afraid of showing the tender side at times.
Disadvantages: Sometimes the “Life Fandango” has to stop. Can be obsessed with the music more than anything else. Has the potential to mooch.
The Geek
Advantages: Very smart and intellectual. Will worship a good woman because he thanks god she is showing up. Enjoys quiet evenings in and doesn’t need to be the life of a party or even go to a party. Can be a romantic at heart.
Disadvantages: Saturday morning Magic games at the Anime store. Will forget your name after he makes his first million for inventing A.I. Pocket protectors are still worn in secret cult meetings.
The Nice Guy
Advantages: Will do anything for you, at any time, for any reason you want and not ask for anything in return. Is always there to give a shoulder to cry on. Make possibly the best dating material but often over looked for flashier types.
Disadvantages: Their propensity to give of themselves can sometimes be mistaken for spinelessness. Don’t push an advantage so its not always known they are attracted to us until we’re with someone else and they feel they have nothing to lose by coming clean. Will get upset when we use them for rebound guys.
The Player
Advantages: Exciting, adventurous, intelligent. Has all the right lines and perfect timing on when to say them. Usually very well dressed, but makes it look casual. Confident and egotistical in all the right ways.
Disadvantages: Commitment issues. Once the challenge is gone, he is easily bored and will need to move on to a new game. Can’t trust him easily. Only way to really get him is to beat him at his own game.
The Loner
Advantages: Very devoted to you. Doesn’t want to stray or be with others. Very romantic and deep. Feels the weight of the world and enjoys your company on the lonely road through life.
Disadvantages: Anti-social. Can turn demanding and want to hide you away from the rest of the world as well. Don’t drink his kool-aid.
The Party Guy
Advantages: Can do a 10 second keg stand with out a hitch. Has the fraternity boy/perpetual youth thing going for him. Is good for mass parties or even hanging out at home playing board games. Loves having you along for the ride.
Disadvantages: Buy lots of advil for the perpetual hangover. Don’t expect the very deep conversations about life because this fella doesn’t want to grow up yet. Prone to jealousy.
The Celebrity
Advantages: He’s famous and usually very very hot
Disadvantages: Probably married, or if not, at the least will leave you without remembering your name. Ever. Chance you’ll be caught on camera and posted online for everyone to see is high- always smile in public.
The Homosexual
Advantages: Is like a girlfriend. Will take you shopping. Has a lot of fun. Very clean and respectful. A shoulder to cry on and someone who will honestly tell you that “Yes, that dress makes you look fat”
Disadvantages: Will steal the hot guy you were checking out. NO, you can’t turn him straight, no matter how hard you try.
The Military Man
Advantages: Looks good in uniform. Polite, respectful. Can be obedient and commanding at the same time. Very good protection and provider.
Disadvantages: Long distance relationships. Frequent moves, might have to fight in a war. Will leave you with a baby to do the duty to the country, and maybe a new rash from his last leave.
*****************************************************************************
Disclaimer: This list is just for fun, it is overly stereotypical in nature and doesn't represent all aspects of any one type of man. Please feel free to correct me where i'm wrong or add on to where i'm right hehehe
Advantages: Great Body, Good willpower, usually very focused, optimistic and has a winning attitude. Very competitive. Loves devoted fans.
Disadvantages: Frowns on Pizza and Ice cream nights, doesn’t like to sleep in on weekends, likes to point out where on you that need to work a little harder on. Doesn’t like to be wrong. Engages in locker room gossip.
The Professional
Advantages: Makes good money, has a nice car, doesn’t mind picking up the bar tab. Can be very outgoing, personable, friendly. Makes nice with mom and dad easily.
Disadvantages: Can be more devoted to work that you. Can’t be sure the line you’re hearing is the truth or a sales pitch. Can make you feel guilty for wanting more than he has to offer, even if what he thinks he has to offer is the material possessions. Has trouble discussing the deep emotions.
The Good ole boy
Advantages: Likes to have fun. Can play pool or darts for hours. Considers himself lucky to have a girl like you beside him. Is Independent and can look really good in Levi’s.
Disadvantages: That dead thing in the back of his truck he shot that morning. A penchant for enjoying the fine culinary tastes of pork rinds and Schlitz beer. The expanding beer gut. Will talk about the relationship but has trouble relating to our personal needs and sends us off to talk to our girlfriends about that.
The Foreigner:
Advantages: They can be garbage men, but when they speak in the sexy accent its makes us swoon. New cultural differences. Can be very exotic and charming. Are often less concerned about our body flaws than American men are. Fun and different.
Disadvantages: Language barriers make communication difficult. Cultural differences can also come into play down the line. Having parents that live in a foreign land, and can’t speak the language (this might be listed as an advantage).
The Metrosexual
Advantages: Always nicely turned out, from the shoes to the Armani sunglasses. Will go shopping with you, likes eating in nice restaurants, isn’t afraid to show the tender side and discuss emotions.
Disadvantages: Can be more dramatic than a girl sometimes. Often needs ego boosting and reinforcement. Might not be out of the closet.
The Rocker
Advantages: Can sing and play an instrument really well, which usually translates to being able to play you really well: physically and mentally. Likes the party and the fun life. Can be very soulful and intuitive and isn’t afraid of showing the tender side at times.
Disadvantages: Sometimes the “Life Fandango” has to stop. Can be obsessed with the music more than anything else. Has the potential to mooch.
The Geek
Advantages: Very smart and intellectual. Will worship a good woman because he thanks god she is showing up. Enjoys quiet evenings in and doesn’t need to be the life of a party or even go to a party. Can be a romantic at heart.
Disadvantages: Saturday morning Magic games at the Anime store. Will forget your name after he makes his first million for inventing A.I. Pocket protectors are still worn in secret cult meetings.
The Nice Guy
Advantages: Will do anything for you, at any time, for any reason you want and not ask for anything in return. Is always there to give a shoulder to cry on. Make possibly the best dating material but often over looked for flashier types.
Disadvantages: Their propensity to give of themselves can sometimes be mistaken for spinelessness. Don’t push an advantage so its not always known they are attracted to us until we’re with someone else and they feel they have nothing to lose by coming clean. Will get upset when we use them for rebound guys.
The Player
Advantages: Exciting, adventurous, intelligent. Has all the right lines and perfect timing on when to say them. Usually very well dressed, but makes it look casual. Confident and egotistical in all the right ways.
Disadvantages: Commitment issues. Once the challenge is gone, he is easily bored and will need to move on to a new game. Can’t trust him easily. Only way to really get him is to beat him at his own game.
The Loner
Advantages: Very devoted to you. Doesn’t want to stray or be with others. Very romantic and deep. Feels the weight of the world and enjoys your company on the lonely road through life.
Disadvantages: Anti-social. Can turn demanding and want to hide you away from the rest of the world as well. Don’t drink his kool-aid.
The Party Guy
Advantages: Can do a 10 second keg stand with out a hitch. Has the fraternity boy/perpetual youth thing going for him. Is good for mass parties or even hanging out at home playing board games. Loves having you along for the ride.
Disadvantages: Buy lots of advil for the perpetual hangover. Don’t expect the very deep conversations about life because this fella doesn’t want to grow up yet. Prone to jealousy.
The Celebrity
Advantages: He’s famous and usually very very hot
Disadvantages: Probably married, or if not, at the least will leave you without remembering your name. Ever. Chance you’ll be caught on camera and posted online for everyone to see is high- always smile in public.
The Homosexual
Advantages: Is like a girlfriend. Will take you shopping. Has a lot of fun. Very clean and respectful. A shoulder to cry on and someone who will honestly tell you that “Yes, that dress makes you look fat”
Disadvantages: Will steal the hot guy you were checking out. NO, you can’t turn him straight, no matter how hard you try.
The Military Man
Advantages: Looks good in uniform. Polite, respectful. Can be obedient and commanding at the same time. Very good protection and provider.
Disadvantages: Long distance relationships. Frequent moves, might have to fight in a war. Will leave you with a baby to do the duty to the country, and maybe a new rash from his last leave.
*****************************************************************************
Disclaimer: This list is just for fun, it is overly stereotypical in nature and doesn't represent all aspects of any one type of man. Please feel free to correct me where i'm wrong or add on to where i'm right hehehe
Monday, March 05, 2007
Getting Felt Up By A Gay Man
This weekend I went to a gay bar with a group of friends. Now I've been to them before in KC but not in awhile. I forget how fun they can be.
First of all it was karaoke night- and this was a new experience - hearing ANY song being sung by any gender. KT Tunstall's Black Horse and the Cherry Tree was done by a very prim and proper looking man to the delight of the crowd.
I started talking to a tall gentleman as the evening went on and he was talking about how, as a girl, i'd not have to pay for drinks there. He was saying that all the guys would want to touch my boobs and then buy me drinks for it. I thought he was nuts at the time. Well he turned out to be psudo-gay. He liked men and women. I guess that is called "Bi" but.. I really don't know. Labels are so outdated anymore. He and I are going to hang out sometime in the near future. I love making new and fun friends.
Well at the end of the night this great guy named Ken- who I believe was phillipino- came up to me and was like 'OMG. ..are those real!? Can I touch them!? I'm gay.. i have the card" So .. as I had been drinking much rum and cokes.. I let him fondle my boobs.
Still haven't figured out what that attraction is... or why i'm just fine letting a gay man fondle me publicly but I would have had issues if it had been the semi- straight guy i'd been talking to earlier that night asking for it.
Other observations about that night- its so nice as a girl to go to a gay bar. They are VERY complimentary. If they like how you look.. they TELL YOU. How you're "working it". Also, I walked out of the bathroom and got my butt spanked by a very cute man. SURPRISE! And yet, somehow it was totally ok.
I think gay bars are much more open and free. Even for the straight people in there. Straight men can relax a little (as long as they aren't homophobic) and women get the male attention they crave from the straight guys who are too worried about being "manly" to open up and speak their minds. The social rules are relaxed and for the most part everyone can just feel good.
And of course the eye candy is OUTSTANDING! Its very interesting talking about how hot one man looks to another man, and him agreeing. And for the most part- he'd be the one with the chance.
So i didn't quite find my new gay best friend- but at least I know where to start looking for one.
Faaabulous!
First of all it was karaoke night- and this was a new experience - hearing ANY song being sung by any gender. KT Tunstall's Black Horse and the Cherry Tree was done by a very prim and proper looking man to the delight of the crowd.
I started talking to a tall gentleman as the evening went on and he was talking about how, as a girl, i'd not have to pay for drinks there. He was saying that all the guys would want to touch my boobs and then buy me drinks for it. I thought he was nuts at the time. Well he turned out to be psudo-gay. He liked men and women. I guess that is called "Bi" but.. I really don't know. Labels are so outdated anymore. He and I are going to hang out sometime in the near future. I love making new and fun friends.
Well at the end of the night this great guy named Ken- who I believe was phillipino- came up to me and was like 'OMG. ..are those real!? Can I touch them!? I'm gay.. i have the card" So .. as I had been drinking much rum and cokes.. I let him fondle my boobs.
Still haven't figured out what that attraction is... or why i'm just fine letting a gay man fondle me publicly but I would have had issues if it had been the semi- straight guy i'd been talking to earlier that night asking for it.
Other observations about that night- its so nice as a girl to go to a gay bar. They are VERY complimentary. If they like how you look.. they TELL YOU. How you're "working it". Also, I walked out of the bathroom and got my butt spanked by a very cute man. SURPRISE! And yet, somehow it was totally ok.
I think gay bars are much more open and free. Even for the straight people in there. Straight men can relax a little (as long as they aren't homophobic) and women get the male attention they crave from the straight guys who are too worried about being "manly" to open up and speak their minds. The social rules are relaxed and for the most part everyone can just feel good.
And of course the eye candy is OUTSTANDING! Its very interesting talking about how hot one man looks to another man, and him agreeing. And for the most part- he'd be the one with the chance.
So i didn't quite find my new gay best friend- but at least I know where to start looking for one.
Faaabulous!
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Why Can't We Be Friends?
Age old topic revisited: Can men and women ever just be friends? A question so important that there had to be a movie about the issue. Everyone one remembers When Harry Met Sally.
Side Note: Best quote from the movie “So then I snuck into her willage”
At the end of that movie they succeeded in proving that NO- men and women can’t just be friends. As much as Meg Ryan’s character in her flighty batty way that has made her million’s of dollars protested the fact- she ended up falling for the Billy Crystal character.
It is the natural reaction though- did anyone leave the audience or turn off the movie expecting any differently? Deep down we all know the answer: NO. Someone is always attracted at some level to the member of the opposite sex that they call their friend. Yes there are always exceptions- but by and large- its true that one person in a male/female relationship will find the other attractive enough on some level to want to be with them.
But its OK for that to happen. There is nothing wrong with that! We are biologically programmed that way. We seek it out as a basic instinct.
Why would we pick a mate that was fundamentally different than the kind of person from the opposite gender that we would choose to make our friend?
How many times have we been at weddings where the bride or the groom make the statement “I married my best friend.” The level of trust we must have with someone to make them our best friend break down the walls that we put up to protect ourselves. Friends have the capability to hurt us as badly as lovers do, and sometimes even more. It is natural to want to hold onto that feeling of security and trust and many times it becomes love on a romantic level.
It does become difficult, however, when the friend you have doesn’t feel the same way. For whatever reason they are your friend, but either not as into you as you are into them- or they have someone else in mind that they would rather be with. This is the difficult situation that no one likes to find themselves in, but most of us probably have. Sometimes the friendship means more to the other than the potential relationship. Sex complicates everything so taking it to that level could destroy even the most solid of friendships. I’m a victim of this myself, and though I don’t regret my decisions, I wish it could have ended differently.
I’m curious to know if there are any strictly platonic friendships out there- from both sides. I am not saying that there has to be any physical ACTION between friends but that there is the DESIRE for it, even if circumstances permit it. For instance: married friends.
I might be inexperienced in this realm, not having been married myself, but from what I can tell in my short lifespan so far- its not possible but it is natural and we shouldn’t get hung up on it.
Side Note: Best quote from the movie “So then I snuck into her willage”
At the end of that movie they succeeded in proving that NO- men and women can’t just be friends. As much as Meg Ryan’s character in her flighty batty way that has made her million’s of dollars protested the fact- she ended up falling for the Billy Crystal character.
It is the natural reaction though- did anyone leave the audience or turn off the movie expecting any differently? Deep down we all know the answer: NO. Someone is always attracted at some level to the member of the opposite sex that they call their friend. Yes there are always exceptions- but by and large- its true that one person in a male/female relationship will find the other attractive enough on some level to want to be with them.
But its OK for that to happen. There is nothing wrong with that! We are biologically programmed that way. We seek it out as a basic instinct.
Why would we pick a mate that was fundamentally different than the kind of person from the opposite gender that we would choose to make our friend?
How many times have we been at weddings where the bride or the groom make the statement “I married my best friend.” The level of trust we must have with someone to make them our best friend break down the walls that we put up to protect ourselves. Friends have the capability to hurt us as badly as lovers do, and sometimes even more. It is natural to want to hold onto that feeling of security and trust and many times it becomes love on a romantic level.
It does become difficult, however, when the friend you have doesn’t feel the same way. For whatever reason they are your friend, but either not as into you as you are into them- or they have someone else in mind that they would rather be with. This is the difficult situation that no one likes to find themselves in, but most of us probably have. Sometimes the friendship means more to the other than the potential relationship. Sex complicates everything so taking it to that level could destroy even the most solid of friendships. I’m a victim of this myself, and though I don’t regret my decisions, I wish it could have ended differently.
I’m curious to know if there are any strictly platonic friendships out there- from both sides. I am not saying that there has to be any physical ACTION between friends but that there is the DESIRE for it, even if circumstances permit it. For instance: married friends.
I might be inexperienced in this realm, not having been married myself, but from what I can tell in my short lifespan so far- its not possible but it is natural and we shouldn’t get hung up on it.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
What to Try to Land a Guy
Smile and maintain eye contact: It is first because it's the most important. Men in surveys have claimed that the sexiest feature on a woman is a smile- because it makes them think they have a chance- right off the bat. Even if you aren't interested in who you're smiling at or who is catching your eye- its still good practice. How many times do you pass someone on the street and you look down so you don't catch their eyes? Why do we do this? It is important to be the one who has their head up and even if it's a small little smile- it will change so much. Smiling, like yawning, is addictive and entices curiosity- they will want to know what we are smiling at.
Have a Cheery Disposition: Yes Mary Poppins- its time to show our pleasant side. It follows the smile because in order to smile, we must show happiness. We choose our mood every morning we wake up and we choose how we portray it. Letting life get us down will eventually let life get us down. When talking to someone of the opposite sex, they don't want to hear how bad our life is. The complaints and the trivialities of the day only cause a poor reflection. Everyone on this planet has good days and bad days, we are not unique. What is unique is that even if we ARE have a bad day- we don't let show. The worse the day is- the more we should act pleasant and smile. We're masters of faking it by now right?
Don't Show Off: We're intelligent, we're successful, we own and pay off a mortgage on our own. We don't have to brag about it. Jackie Onassis, one of the icons of leading ladies, always kept her full talents to herself until it was time to reveal them- certainly not on first meetings or dates. I am not advocating dumbing down either, just not highlighting our own personal attributes right off the bat. Let them show us why they are good enough for us, instead of us constantly trying to prove how good we are for them. If they are keepers, they will WANT to discover us and it will be part of the fun and the challenge to slowly reveal the wonderful goddesses that we are.
Make Them Feel Special, Don't play Coy: Although one of our games is to make a man like us by showing him how special we are to OTHER men, this can very often backfire by him not feeling that our little "show" is for his benefit. He might think that if we're so interested in every other guy, there is no way we can be interested in him OR that he wouldn't want that kind of girl. If we catch a guy's attention that we are interested in, we should let him know by body language, conversation, and attention. Put yourself in his shoes: would you like the guy you thought was interested in you buying drinks for other girls? Not really. Unless of course he bought us one..and it was the "special" drink made only for us.
Stay Classy San Diego: Most men's first impressions of women are of their sisters and mothers, or other close family members. When they are really interested in finding someone to date, the 'good' ones will tend to choose someone that they can see in the same light as the other strong women models in their lives. Maintaining our dignity, while showing our sense of humor, and flirting is all a very complicated dance, but in the end its worth it. We should be holding our head high: showing our poise, humility and humor. Guys may chase ass, but what they really want is class.
Let's NOT talk about Sex Baby: Along with staying classy is refraining from mentioning all of our past sexual histories. While we may really want it, need it, crave it, its not fitting to talk about it right off the bat. In my experience, this opens the door to a guy thinking that because you're talking about sex in front of him, you're talking about the kind of sex you would want to have WITH him. It takes away the mystery. This is not lying about your past- its diverting the topic to something more suitable. Men always have it on their mind and they are like two year olds in that they will push the boundaries. I have found this as true in 23 year olds as in 40 year olds.
Dance, Dance, Dance: Not for them, for you. Being spontaneous, fun, silly- just because we are beautiful creatures on this planet. Trust me, they are watching
Hold out for what you want: Whether what you want is to have a first date that is dinner instead of coffee somewhere, or the phone call in the next few days. If you make the connection, never take his phone number, always give him yours. This is one of the tricks men in this east coast area try to play. "I like you, call me." Obviously they've been watching too much TV or playing too many political war games. If you are interested in me, call ME. Even if I like you, take my number still. We shouldn't have to chase, even if it is us making the first move. I know that sounds oxymoronic but its true. It has always been true, if we give them our number (except when very intoxicated) it usually means we like them in some way. Its up to them to act on it.
Don't over think it: I'm as guilty of this as any other woman out there right now. Its our trademark- we over think everything to the point of distraction. Was that glance he made at me ..or was he just looking for the bathroom. We love to torture ourselves with the "what if's" and the "what could have been's". Just like smiling when we're having a bad day- ignoring these dangerous paths of sabotage are very difficult. Here's the catch though- "they" aren't over thinking it. Sure, they might give us a thought or two, think about how nice we looked, or what we said, but they aren't in the locker room gabbing to the guy next to them about whether they came on too strong or not.
Believe in Yourself: Confidence is sexy. We all know this when we go out man hunting- we don't go out looking for spineless (even if they turn out that way). Well neither do men. Trust yourself and know that you're someone special and worthy of everything you want. Any guy would be lucky to have you. And if you can't find that you're doubting that, refer to number 1, smile and fake it till you believe it.
