Is it the tattoos? The disregard for authority? The sarcasm and inflated egos? What is it about bad boys that make them so damn attractive?
The range of "bad" boy can go from the class clown type to the smartass to the con- but run the gambit and I am betting there is a woman out there that is attracted to them all. There are the nice guys out there that complain "Why do women date assholes?" while there are plenty of women who secretly wish their nice guy was more of an asshole himself sometimes.
The patterns are set- they don't call us back, they don't tell us we're special. They don't remember our birthdays or bother to call at 3 am when out with the boys even though they know we're up waiting. The booty call is almost expected behavior and heaven forbid if we show feelings or emotions when we're with them. Nothing sends a bad boy running for the hills faster than "can we talk?". And yet- we go back for more.
I think it might have something to do with being the drop that sticks to the ducks back when all the others have fallen off. If we can be that ONE that catches his attention and manages to hold it- it makes us better than all the rest that have come before us.
Or perhaps is the survival of the fittest- these bad boys are the gladiators- the alpha males- and we don't just want the men who will play fair but the ones who will win at all costs. Have we gone from wanting the white knight to save us- or are we now rooting for the black knight to carry us away in hopes that we can find that hidden good in him that he will reveal only to his one true conquest?
That is the real fantasy- that we put faith in our ability to tame the beast within him once we have captured his attention. That belief that the bad boy will change his ways once he has fallen in love.. with us. Love is a powerful force- and too often has been used to castrate a man's spirit into the one thing he fears most- complacency.
True love is acceptance. If the thing we like most about a man is his independence and irreverence, his pride and his strength then we should be affirming it instead of trying to change it. Supporting the behavior instead of challenging it. How surprised would a man be if you told him you loved it when he forgot to call you- or how great it is that he pushes the limits.
Lets face it, if we WANTED a nice guy, there are MANY of them around. They are the white knight types who rescue a woman and are romantic and sweet. The best friend, the lover, he is as prevalent as the scoundrel. Its Ashley Wilkes vs. Rhett Butler.
I have dated the nice guy- hell I even talked of marriage to one, but in the end I knew it was not a life for me. I enjoy the challenge and the game. I like the thrill of the chase and being pursued. Bad boys do pursue just as much and often with a stronger intent in order to win.
If you find yourself liking the bad boy, don't be ashamed!! Accept it proudly and understand it for what it is. It is a testament to a woman who is confident enough in herself to be able to attract the dark knight and be true to herself in letting him be true to himself.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Sweats vs. Stilettos
When I was in college, I first noticed a strange phenomenon regarding the way in which women dressed and how men responded to them. For a week at St. Pats our school would “Green Up” since St. Patrick was the patron saint of engineers and my school was primarily engineering. This included these Kelly green sweatshirts that were the standard uniform for the week, and many other chilly days during the year. They were very unique to the campus. What would happen, then, during this week is that the entire campus would proceed to get drunk and party- they even gave us two days off to do this. Activities began early in the morning and lasted until early in the morning. Due to this fact, it was entirely possible for the students to start off in the day time with the jeans and sweatshirts and end the evening in the same jeans and sweatshirts.
Also during this time, there would be visitors to the campus from other schools in the surrounding areas. At night, the local bar or fraternity parties would have girls showing up in their hot pants, tight skirts, slinky tops and clear indication that they were not “Rolla Girls”. The ratio at my school was 5 guys to 1 girl so the logical thought here was that the men would love this change from their standard fare. Taking a look at these girls all decked out and shiny compared to the slightly disheveled, drunk Rolla girl wearing a green sweatshirt (or some other comfortable clothing), one would think the rolla girls would get ignored. Invariably though, this wasn’t the case. These men would talk to the out of towner girls for a little while and come racing back to the Rolla women. This was not simply out of friendship either. It occurred time and time again that at the end of the night, these girls would be shuffled off drinking their wine coolers to pass out somewhere, while the Rolla girls were still up hanging with the boys and getting all the attention and flirting.
Fast forwarding a few years to life after college, and this behavior is still remarked upon. I’ve heard it several times from many of my girlfriends.
“Why is it that when I look my worst, when I’m all scruffy and not dressed up, is when I get hit on the most.”
I believe that the first initial answer to this question is that a man can see you as you really look and makes the judgment at that time if he can accept you “at your worst.” But I don’t believe that to be true at all. A man will judge whether he will hook up with you at your worst or your best and there really isn’t much different in between. Short of looking absolutely slovenly, of course. I’m not talking about the not showering for days kind of look (although I hear camping can be an adventure in that area).
I think the answer lies in the demeanor of the woman, and that is what a man finds so appealing. The confidence we have to just be ourselves when we’re not trying to impress anyone and just want to have fun. When we get all “dolled up” we tend to be wearing tight, but cute, shoes that invariably rub some spot on our feet. Or we have a shirt or skirt that has to be constantly adjusted to make sure a body part isn’t popping out too far. Tights/hose have to be yanked up and our hair has to be brushed and make up reapplied during the evenings out in order to maintain the “look” that we have going for us.
When we end up going out in our “just bumming it” look, we don’t care about these things. We think that we’re not looking hot so there is really nothing we can do about it at that point so we don’t have to worry about the clothing factor and can just have a good time. Men pick up on this vibe. We’re relaxed and can engage with them more.
Another key thing is that we are more approachable. A man walks in and sees a woman dressed to the nines and acting like it or he looks around and sees another girl smiling in a tshirt, jeans and sneakers at a bar. Remember- a smile is the biggest invitation to a man right off the bat.
Women don’t only dress up for men either, we dress up for each other- the competition. When we aren’t dressed up, we fall off that radar of direct competition with the other women in the room. We aren’t a threat to them directly, so for the comfortable girl, she doesn’t get the added pressure of feeling self conscious with the other women in the room. She already KNOWS she isn’t measuring up and she accepts it.
There are the rare women who look good in everything and at every time and do it naturally. Whether they deal with self confidence issues or not, I don’t know.
But for the rest of us, just think about it the next time you go out. If it’s a Friday night and you know everyone is going to be dressed up- take the time to consciously dress down and see what kind of attention you get. I’m not advocating that we do this all the time, however, for we have to go through the pain of dressing up at times to really fall into the understanding of how comfortable it is not too- and that is the confidence that will attract the men we want.
Also during this time, there would be visitors to the campus from other schools in the surrounding areas. At night, the local bar or fraternity parties would have girls showing up in their hot pants, tight skirts, slinky tops and clear indication that they were not “Rolla Girls”. The ratio at my school was 5 guys to 1 girl so the logical thought here was that the men would love this change from their standard fare. Taking a look at these girls all decked out and shiny compared to the slightly disheveled, drunk Rolla girl wearing a green sweatshirt (or some other comfortable clothing), one would think the rolla girls would get ignored. Invariably though, this wasn’t the case. These men would talk to the out of towner girls for a little while and come racing back to the Rolla women. This was not simply out of friendship either. It occurred time and time again that at the end of the night, these girls would be shuffled off drinking their wine coolers to pass out somewhere, while the Rolla girls were still up hanging with the boys and getting all the attention and flirting.
Fast forwarding a few years to life after college, and this behavior is still remarked upon. I’ve heard it several times from many of my girlfriends.
“Why is it that when I look my worst, when I’m all scruffy and not dressed up, is when I get hit on the most.”
I believe that the first initial answer to this question is that a man can see you as you really look and makes the judgment at that time if he can accept you “at your worst.” But I don’t believe that to be true at all. A man will judge whether he will hook up with you at your worst or your best and there really isn’t much different in between. Short of looking absolutely slovenly, of course. I’m not talking about the not showering for days kind of look (although I hear camping can be an adventure in that area).
I think the answer lies in the demeanor of the woman, and that is what a man finds so appealing. The confidence we have to just be ourselves when we’re not trying to impress anyone and just want to have fun. When we get all “dolled up” we tend to be wearing tight, but cute, shoes that invariably rub some spot on our feet. Or we have a shirt or skirt that has to be constantly adjusted to make sure a body part isn’t popping out too far. Tights/hose have to be yanked up and our hair has to be brushed and make up reapplied during the evenings out in order to maintain the “look” that we have going for us.
When we end up going out in our “just bumming it” look, we don’t care about these things. We think that we’re not looking hot so there is really nothing we can do about it at that point so we don’t have to worry about the clothing factor and can just have a good time. Men pick up on this vibe. We’re relaxed and can engage with them more.
Another key thing is that we are more approachable. A man walks in and sees a woman dressed to the nines and acting like it or he looks around and sees another girl smiling in a tshirt, jeans and sneakers at a bar. Remember- a smile is the biggest invitation to a man right off the bat.
Women don’t only dress up for men either, we dress up for each other- the competition. When we aren’t dressed up, we fall off that radar of direct competition with the other women in the room. We aren’t a threat to them directly, so for the comfortable girl, she doesn’t get the added pressure of feeling self conscious with the other women in the room. She already KNOWS she isn’t measuring up and she accepts it.
There are the rare women who look good in everything and at every time and do it naturally. Whether they deal with self confidence issues or not, I don’t know.
But for the rest of us, just think about it the next time you go out. If it’s a Friday night and you know everyone is going to be dressed up- take the time to consciously dress down and see what kind of attention you get. I’m not advocating that we do this all the time, however, for we have to go through the pain of dressing up at times to really fall into the understanding of how comfortable it is not too- and that is the confidence that will attract the men we want.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Where in the Solar System are we?
If a picture is worth a thousand words, then perhaps a glance could be worth a thousand emotions. I recently read that within one glance a man will sum up a woman with one question: “Would I sleep with her?” And then out of that glance about 70% of the women that a man comes in contact with are put into the “No” category. This is the reason they just HAVE to have that look. It is instinct for them to visualize that question and answer it immediately. It is not even considered window shopping, it’s the primal urge they are born with, and while most do it sub-consciously, its still done.
A woman’s primal instinct is to breed, a man’s is to find someone to breed with. We have an entirely different and complex system by which we “instantly” judge a man. I think the problem, however, is that we’re unclear whether those judgments are made from social pressures we are raised to adhere too or if they are the equal instinctual reaction.
While I was waiting for the train recently, I played the game with myself: I looked at all the men within my direct vicinity and asked myself the yes or no question. On no other criteria than looks alone, I ticked off each man into a “yes” “No” and “possibly” category. The interesting thing is that I had to consciously force myself to look around and ask myself this question. On a typical basis, most of the men I see pass by without such a quick assessment of them. Obviously, there are those that catch my eye, and I’ll turn a lustful stare at a well formed ass or nice broad shoulders, but it is not typical.
Why is this? I think that as a woman, my brain has been pre selected what attracts it and what is off limits. It also has the capability to desire more than just the “physical”. I am looking for not only a mate, but a potential father. I also know for myself that I wait to see who tries to catch my attention. If a man stares at me, I don’t think “sex” I think, Wow..he has nice eyes, or .. do I have food in my teeth?
How much of this thinking has been a condition of my upbringing? Wouldn’t it make more sense, logically, for me to want to “try out” as many potential partners as possible in order to ensure the best choice for my future offspring? Lets hear it for natural selection! Men are encouraged in this type of behavior from early on, whereas women who show an inclination towards it are shunned, put down, or have it corrected as bad behavior.
The women of the late 60s/70s understood this concept and practiced free love, but it was unfortunately coupled with the explosion of drugs. This free love concept got shot down as a side effect off too much acid instead of being held up as a changing historical trend for women.
Fast forward 30 years to the millennia. The availability of education for all and mass trends in communication have leveled the playing field between men and women in the work force and every year the glass ceiling gets closer and closer to shattering.
And yet on the mating level, the trends are showing higher rates of divorces than ever before. Are the sexes, on an instinctual level, being brought up with conditional responses that put us too far apart to understand each other at the fundamental levels anymore?
I don’t believe it is the requirement that the “MEN” in the world adapt themselves to suit us, instead, I think we should be modifying our own behaviors as women to get back to our basic instincts. If we could do that for ourselves and our future generations, we might be able to rectify the widening gap and realize that in the end, we are ALL from Earth.
A woman’s primal instinct is to breed, a man’s is to find someone to breed with. We have an entirely different and complex system by which we “instantly” judge a man. I think the problem, however, is that we’re unclear whether those judgments are made from social pressures we are raised to adhere too or if they are the equal instinctual reaction.
While I was waiting for the train recently, I played the game with myself: I looked at all the men within my direct vicinity and asked myself the yes or no question. On no other criteria than looks alone, I ticked off each man into a “yes” “No” and “possibly” category. The interesting thing is that I had to consciously force myself to look around and ask myself this question. On a typical basis, most of the men I see pass by without such a quick assessment of them. Obviously, there are those that catch my eye, and I’ll turn a lustful stare at a well formed ass or nice broad shoulders, but it is not typical.
Why is this? I think that as a woman, my brain has been pre selected what attracts it and what is off limits. It also has the capability to desire more than just the “physical”. I am looking for not only a mate, but a potential father. I also know for myself that I wait to see who tries to catch my attention. If a man stares at me, I don’t think “sex” I think, Wow..he has nice eyes, or .. do I have food in my teeth?
How much of this thinking has been a condition of my upbringing? Wouldn’t it make more sense, logically, for me to want to “try out” as many potential partners as possible in order to ensure the best choice for my future offspring? Lets hear it for natural selection! Men are encouraged in this type of behavior from early on, whereas women who show an inclination towards it are shunned, put down, or have it corrected as bad behavior.
The women of the late 60s/70s understood this concept and practiced free love, but it was unfortunately coupled with the explosion of drugs. This free love concept got shot down as a side effect off too much acid instead of being held up as a changing historical trend for women.
Fast forward 30 years to the millennia. The availability of education for all and mass trends in communication have leveled the playing field between men and women in the work force and every year the glass ceiling gets closer and closer to shattering.
And yet on the mating level, the trends are showing higher rates of divorces than ever before. Are the sexes, on an instinctual level, being brought up with conditional responses that put us too far apart to understand each other at the fundamental levels anymore?
I don’t believe it is the requirement that the “MEN” in the world adapt themselves to suit us, instead, I think we should be modifying our own behaviors as women to get back to our basic instincts. If we could do that for ourselves and our future generations, we might be able to rectify the widening gap and realize that in the end, we are ALL from Earth.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Aw Chutes, I fell off my Ladders
Reminisce with me for a moment back to your childhood days and all the board games that were played back then. These brightly colored challenges were not only instrumental in learning motor and communicational skills at a young age- they were the building blocks of the “life lessons” we all have to learn.
Take, for instance, the game of Chutes and Ladders: The purpose of this game was to reach the top of the board starting at the bottom by advancing based on the number chosen by a spinner. The challenge came in through the form of the Chutes and Ladders that were on the game. If a player landed on a square with a Ladder, they could advance from one to many rows closer to the goal, and if a player landed on a Chute, they had to slide down the rows and squares farther from the goal. If a player never landed on a square with a shoot or a ladder, they could still reach the end of the game.
How is this a life lesson? It demonstrates in small doses, the feelings of the ups and downs we all eventually experience. The spinner is relative to the “Chance” in our lives. It is through chance that we experience good luck, and therefore get to go up in life and that same chance can send us back down again. I can remember playing the game and having a rush every time I got closer to the goal and the disappointment of having to slide down- even if the SLIDING down part was more fun sometimes, it still left me farther behind than I was before.
The social interaction experienced during this simple game is also a part of the lesson. Although you have a better chance of winning with a two player game, it is sometimes much more fun the more competitors you have. And what about those competitors?
Remember the poor losers? They would always cry or throw a tantrum even though it was only chance that led them to losing. They might blame the other players for their loss.
How about the poor winners? The gloaters who ran around saying “I WON, I WON” and making a big deal about how great their win was. Sometimes this behavior is what would set off a poor loser.
The gracious winners/losers are always there- the ones who smile and clap and want to play again- regardless of who won or lost.
The cheaters existed- the ones who would try to make the spinner stop exactly on the number they wanted, or pushed their piece ahead a square or row when no one was watching.
And finally- the purposeful loser- the one who threw their OWN game in order to be well liked by NOT winning when they had every opportunity too. (Parents usually fell into this category).
These are the behaviors of people from age 6 to 96. When you go back to your own childhood gaming experiences- what type of player were you then?
Are you still that type of “game” player now? I bet most of us are- or have versions of that former self still ingrained into us.
Maybe we should all revisit our childhood games and take a closer look at just how well we play with others.
Take, for instance, the game of Chutes and Ladders: The purpose of this game was to reach the top of the board starting at the bottom by advancing based on the number chosen by a spinner. The challenge came in through the form of the Chutes and Ladders that were on the game. If a player landed on a square with a Ladder, they could advance from one to many rows closer to the goal, and if a player landed on a Chute, they had to slide down the rows and squares farther from the goal. If a player never landed on a square with a shoot or a ladder, they could still reach the end of the game.
How is this a life lesson? It demonstrates in small doses, the feelings of the ups and downs we all eventually experience. The spinner is relative to the “Chance” in our lives. It is through chance that we experience good luck, and therefore get to go up in life and that same chance can send us back down again. I can remember playing the game and having a rush every time I got closer to the goal and the disappointment of having to slide down- even if the SLIDING down part was more fun sometimes, it still left me farther behind than I was before.
The social interaction experienced during this simple game is also a part of the lesson. Although you have a better chance of winning with a two player game, it is sometimes much more fun the more competitors you have. And what about those competitors?
Remember the poor losers? They would always cry or throw a tantrum even though it was only chance that led them to losing. They might blame the other players for their loss.
How about the poor winners? The gloaters who ran around saying “I WON, I WON” and making a big deal about how great their win was. Sometimes this behavior is what would set off a poor loser.
The gracious winners/losers are always there- the ones who smile and clap and want to play again- regardless of who won or lost.
The cheaters existed- the ones who would try to make the spinner stop exactly on the number they wanted, or pushed their piece ahead a square or row when no one was watching.
And finally- the purposeful loser- the one who threw their OWN game in order to be well liked by NOT winning when they had every opportunity too. (Parents usually fell into this category).
These are the behaviors of people from age 6 to 96. When you go back to your own childhood gaming experiences- what type of player were you then?
Are you still that type of “game” player now? I bet most of us are- or have versions of that former self still ingrained into us.
Maybe we should all revisit our childhood games and take a closer look at just how well we play with others.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Peace of Mind or Piece of Ass
Now this is one of those blogs where you, as the reader, will have to be utterly truthful with yourself in order to answer this question. We love to lie to ourselves based on what we think everyone else would want to hear or what we THINK we should be saying based on morality of the world- but sometimes those answers aren’t what we really feel deep down inside about an issue. That being said, think about these scenario and how you would REALLY feel.
You have been through the highs and the lows of the dating scene. Had your heart broken, crushed a few along the way, all in the hopes that you will be finding THE one that will make you the happiest person in the world. You’ve not settled, you’ve maintained your ideal and along the way- the universe answers your call. It sends you the perfect mate. He is your soul mate, the one you want to be with forever.
You get married, you move in together, you start having the most perfect children in the world. The job is stable, you’re happy- he’s happy- you’re all happy. This is what you’ve told yourself you wanted and now you have it.
What is it worth to you to keep?
Now, lets say, unbeknownst to you, your perfect husband isn’t so perfect? He has decided that you aren’t the one for him OR he’s just not satisfied with ONE person only and he cheats on you.
Would you want to know? That is my question- would you want to find out that your entire happiness that you’ve built up is called into question because he must find solace in the arms of others. What if he does love you but just can’t be faithful?
Everything you’ve wanted your entire life you have. Is peace of mind worth more than knowing about his piece of ass?
Now- flip that coin. Let say you are the one who cheats- for whatever reason- but you know that ultimately he will NEVER find out about it.
Do you still feel honor bound to tell him about it? Ruining HIS happiness to alleviate the guilt you feel about it? What is the right thing to do?
His happiness or your honor?
We all know that in both situations ONCE the transgression is known it will have to be dealt with- either in break up..trust lost.. etc etc.
My questions focus on the bliss we have when we’re ignorant. Our ability to fly before someone tells us we don’t have wings.
You have been through the highs and the lows of the dating scene. Had your heart broken, crushed a few along the way, all in the hopes that you will be finding THE one that will make you the happiest person in the world. You’ve not settled, you’ve maintained your ideal and along the way- the universe answers your call. It sends you the perfect mate. He is your soul mate, the one you want to be with forever.
You get married, you move in together, you start having the most perfect children in the world. The job is stable, you’re happy- he’s happy- you’re all happy. This is what you’ve told yourself you wanted and now you have it.
What is it worth to you to keep?
Now, lets say, unbeknownst to you, your perfect husband isn’t so perfect? He has decided that you aren’t the one for him OR he’s just not satisfied with ONE person only and he cheats on you.
Would you want to know? That is my question- would you want to find out that your entire happiness that you’ve built up is called into question because he must find solace in the arms of others. What if he does love you but just can’t be faithful?
Everything you’ve wanted your entire life you have. Is peace of mind worth more than knowing about his piece of ass?
Now- flip that coin. Let say you are the one who cheats- for whatever reason- but you know that ultimately he will NEVER find out about it.
Do you still feel honor bound to tell him about it? Ruining HIS happiness to alleviate the guilt you feel about it? What is the right thing to do?
His happiness or your honor?
We all know that in both situations ONCE the transgression is known it will have to be dealt with- either in break up..trust lost.. etc etc.
My questions focus on the bliss we have when we’re ignorant. Our ability to fly before someone tells us we don’t have wings.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
The Guy Types v.1
The Athlete:
Advantages: Great Body, Good willpower, usually very focused, optimistic and has a winning attitude. Very competitive. Loves devoted fans.
Disadvantages: Frowns on Pizza and Ice cream nights, doesn’t like to sleep in on weekends, likes to point out where on you that need to work a little harder on. Doesn’t like to be wrong. Engages in locker room gossip.
The Professional
Advantages: Makes good money, has a nice car, doesn’t mind picking up the bar tab. Can be very outgoing, personable, friendly. Makes nice with mom and dad easily.
Disadvantages: Can be more devoted to work that you. Can’t be sure the line you’re hearing is the truth or a sales pitch. Can make you feel guilty for wanting more than he has to offer, even if what he thinks he has to offer is the material possessions. Has trouble discussing the deep emotions.
The Good ole boy
Advantages: Likes to have fun. Can play pool or darts for hours. Considers himself lucky to have a girl like you beside him. Is Independent and can look really good in Levi’s.
Disadvantages: That dead thing in the back of his truck he shot that morning. A penchant for enjoying the fine culinary tastes of pork rinds and Schlitz beer. The expanding beer gut. Will talk about the relationship but has trouble relating to our personal needs and sends us off to talk to our girlfriends about that.
The Foreigner:
Advantages: They can be garbage men, but when they speak in the sexy accent its makes us swoon. New cultural differences. Can be very exotic and charming. Are often less concerned about our body flaws than American men are. Fun and different.
Disadvantages: Language barriers make communication difficult. Cultural differences can also come into play down the line. Having parents that live in a foreign land, and can’t speak the language (this might be listed as an advantage).
The Metrosexual
Advantages: Always nicely turned out, from the shoes to the Armani sunglasses. Will go shopping with you, likes eating in nice restaurants, isn’t afraid to show the tender side and discuss emotions.
Disadvantages: Can be more dramatic than a girl sometimes. Often needs ego boosting and reinforcement. Might not be out of the closet.
The Rocker
Advantages: Can sing and play an instrument really well, which usually translates to being able to play you really well: physically and mentally. Likes the party and the fun life. Can be very soulful and intuitive and isn’t afraid of showing the tender side at times.
Disadvantages: Sometimes the “Life Fandango” has to stop. Can be obsessed with the music more than anything else. Has the potential to mooch.
The Geek
Advantages: Very smart and intellectual. Will worship a good woman because he thanks god she is showing up. Enjoys quiet evenings in and doesn’t need to be the life of a party or even go to a party. Can be a romantic at heart.
Disadvantages: Saturday morning Magic games at the Anime store. Will forget your name after he makes his first million for inventing A.I. Pocket protectors are still worn in secret cult meetings.
The Nice Guy
Advantages: Will do anything for you, at any time, for any reason you want and not ask for anything in return. Is always there to give a shoulder to cry on. Make possibly the best dating material but often over looked for flashier types.
Disadvantages: Their propensity to give of themselves can sometimes be mistaken for spinelessness. Don’t push an advantage so its not always known they are attracted to us until we’re with someone else and they feel they have nothing to lose by coming clean. Will get upset when we use them for rebound guys.
The Player
Advantages: Exciting, adventurous, intelligent. Has all the right lines and perfect timing on when to say them. Usually very well dressed, but makes it look casual. Confident and egotistical in all the right ways.
Disadvantages: Commitment issues. Once the challenge is gone, he is easily bored and will need to move on to a new game. Can’t trust him easily. Only way to really get him is to beat him at his own game.
The Loner
Advantages: Very devoted to you. Doesn’t want to stray or be with others. Very romantic and deep. Feels the weight of the world and enjoys your company on the lonely road through life.
Disadvantages: Anti-social. Can turn demanding and want to hide you away from the rest of the world as well. Don’t drink his kool-aid.
The Party Guy
Advantages: Can do a 10 second keg stand with out a hitch. Has the fraternity boy/perpetual youth thing going for him. Is good for mass parties or even hanging out at home playing board games. Loves having you along for the ride.
Disadvantages: Buy lots of advil for the perpetual hangover. Don’t expect the very deep conversations about life because this fella doesn’t want to grow up yet. Prone to jealousy.
The Celebrity
Advantages: He’s famous and usually very very hot
Disadvantages: Probably married, or if not, at the least will leave you without remembering your name. Ever. Chance you’ll be caught on camera and posted online for everyone to see is high- always smile in public.
The Homosexual
Advantages: Is like a girlfriend. Will take you shopping. Has a lot of fun. Very clean and respectful. A shoulder to cry on and someone who will honestly tell you that “Yes, that dress makes you look fat”
Disadvantages: Will steal the hot guy you were checking out. NO, you can’t turn him straight, no matter how hard you try.
The Military Man
Advantages: Looks good in uniform. Polite, respectful. Can be obedient and commanding at the same time. Very good protection and provider.
Disadvantages: Long distance relationships. Frequent moves, might have to fight in a war. Will leave you with a baby to do the duty to the country, and maybe a new rash from his last leave.
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Disclaimer: This list is just for fun, it is overly stereotypical in nature and doesn't represent all aspects of any one type of man. Please feel free to correct me where i'm wrong or add on to where i'm right hehehe
Advantages: Great Body, Good willpower, usually very focused, optimistic and has a winning attitude. Very competitive. Loves devoted fans.
Disadvantages: Frowns on Pizza and Ice cream nights, doesn’t like to sleep in on weekends, likes to point out where on you that need to work a little harder on. Doesn’t like to be wrong. Engages in locker room gossip.
The Professional
Advantages: Makes good money, has a nice car, doesn’t mind picking up the bar tab. Can be very outgoing, personable, friendly. Makes nice with mom and dad easily.
Disadvantages: Can be more devoted to work that you. Can’t be sure the line you’re hearing is the truth or a sales pitch. Can make you feel guilty for wanting more than he has to offer, even if what he thinks he has to offer is the material possessions. Has trouble discussing the deep emotions.
The Good ole boy
Advantages: Likes to have fun. Can play pool or darts for hours. Considers himself lucky to have a girl like you beside him. Is Independent and can look really good in Levi’s.
Disadvantages: That dead thing in the back of his truck he shot that morning. A penchant for enjoying the fine culinary tastes of pork rinds and Schlitz beer. The expanding beer gut. Will talk about the relationship but has trouble relating to our personal needs and sends us off to talk to our girlfriends about that.
The Foreigner:
Advantages: They can be garbage men, but when they speak in the sexy accent its makes us swoon. New cultural differences. Can be very exotic and charming. Are often less concerned about our body flaws than American men are. Fun and different.
Disadvantages: Language barriers make communication difficult. Cultural differences can also come into play down the line. Having parents that live in a foreign land, and can’t speak the language (this might be listed as an advantage).
The Metrosexual
Advantages: Always nicely turned out, from the shoes to the Armani sunglasses. Will go shopping with you, likes eating in nice restaurants, isn’t afraid to show the tender side and discuss emotions.
Disadvantages: Can be more dramatic than a girl sometimes. Often needs ego boosting and reinforcement. Might not be out of the closet.
The Rocker
Advantages: Can sing and play an instrument really well, which usually translates to being able to play you really well: physically and mentally. Likes the party and the fun life. Can be very soulful and intuitive and isn’t afraid of showing the tender side at times.
Disadvantages: Sometimes the “Life Fandango” has to stop. Can be obsessed with the music more than anything else. Has the potential to mooch.
The Geek
Advantages: Very smart and intellectual. Will worship a good woman because he thanks god she is showing up. Enjoys quiet evenings in and doesn’t need to be the life of a party or even go to a party. Can be a romantic at heart.
Disadvantages: Saturday morning Magic games at the Anime store. Will forget your name after he makes his first million for inventing A.I. Pocket protectors are still worn in secret cult meetings.
The Nice Guy
Advantages: Will do anything for you, at any time, for any reason you want and not ask for anything in return. Is always there to give a shoulder to cry on. Make possibly the best dating material but often over looked for flashier types.
Disadvantages: Their propensity to give of themselves can sometimes be mistaken for spinelessness. Don’t push an advantage so its not always known they are attracted to us until we’re with someone else and they feel they have nothing to lose by coming clean. Will get upset when we use them for rebound guys.
The Player
Advantages: Exciting, adventurous, intelligent. Has all the right lines and perfect timing on when to say them. Usually very well dressed, but makes it look casual. Confident and egotistical in all the right ways.
Disadvantages: Commitment issues. Once the challenge is gone, he is easily bored and will need to move on to a new game. Can’t trust him easily. Only way to really get him is to beat him at his own game.
The Loner
Advantages: Very devoted to you. Doesn’t want to stray or be with others. Very romantic and deep. Feels the weight of the world and enjoys your company on the lonely road through life.
Disadvantages: Anti-social. Can turn demanding and want to hide you away from the rest of the world as well. Don’t drink his kool-aid.
The Party Guy
Advantages: Can do a 10 second keg stand with out a hitch. Has the fraternity boy/perpetual youth thing going for him. Is good for mass parties or even hanging out at home playing board games. Loves having you along for the ride.
Disadvantages: Buy lots of advil for the perpetual hangover. Don’t expect the very deep conversations about life because this fella doesn’t want to grow up yet. Prone to jealousy.
The Celebrity
Advantages: He’s famous and usually very very hot
Disadvantages: Probably married, or if not, at the least will leave you without remembering your name. Ever. Chance you’ll be caught on camera and posted online for everyone to see is high- always smile in public.
The Homosexual
Advantages: Is like a girlfriend. Will take you shopping. Has a lot of fun. Very clean and respectful. A shoulder to cry on and someone who will honestly tell you that “Yes, that dress makes you look fat”
Disadvantages: Will steal the hot guy you were checking out. NO, you can’t turn him straight, no matter how hard you try.
The Military Man
Advantages: Looks good in uniform. Polite, respectful. Can be obedient and commanding at the same time. Very good protection and provider.
Disadvantages: Long distance relationships. Frequent moves, might have to fight in a war. Will leave you with a baby to do the duty to the country, and maybe a new rash from his last leave.
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Disclaimer: This list is just for fun, it is overly stereotypical in nature and doesn't represent all aspects of any one type of man. Please feel free to correct me where i'm wrong or add on to where i'm right hehehe
Monday, March 05, 2007
Getting Felt Up By A Gay Man
This weekend I went to a gay bar with a group of friends. Now I've been to them before in KC but not in awhile. I forget how fun they can be.
First of all it was karaoke night- and this was a new experience - hearing ANY song being sung by any gender. KT Tunstall's Black Horse and the Cherry Tree was done by a very prim and proper looking man to the delight of the crowd.
I started talking to a tall gentleman as the evening went on and he was talking about how, as a girl, i'd not have to pay for drinks there. He was saying that all the guys would want to touch my boobs and then buy me drinks for it. I thought he was nuts at the time. Well he turned out to be psudo-gay. He liked men and women. I guess that is called "Bi" but.. I really don't know. Labels are so outdated anymore. He and I are going to hang out sometime in the near future. I love making new and fun friends.
Well at the end of the night this great guy named Ken- who I believe was phillipino- came up to me and was like 'OMG. ..are those real!? Can I touch them!? I'm gay.. i have the card" So .. as I had been drinking much rum and cokes.. I let him fondle my boobs.
Still haven't figured out what that attraction is... or why i'm just fine letting a gay man fondle me publicly but I would have had issues if it had been the semi- straight guy i'd been talking to earlier that night asking for it.
Other observations about that night- its so nice as a girl to go to a gay bar. They are VERY complimentary. If they like how you look.. they TELL YOU. How you're "working it". Also, I walked out of the bathroom and got my butt spanked by a very cute man. SURPRISE! And yet, somehow it was totally ok.
I think gay bars are much more open and free. Even for the straight people in there. Straight men can relax a little (as long as they aren't homophobic) and women get the male attention they crave from the straight guys who are too worried about being "manly" to open up and speak their minds. The social rules are relaxed and for the most part everyone can just feel good.
And of course the eye candy is OUTSTANDING! Its very interesting talking about how hot one man looks to another man, and him agreeing. And for the most part- he'd be the one with the chance.
So i didn't quite find my new gay best friend- but at least I know where to start looking for one.
Faaabulous!
First of all it was karaoke night- and this was a new experience - hearing ANY song being sung by any gender. KT Tunstall's Black Horse and the Cherry Tree was done by a very prim and proper looking man to the delight of the crowd.
I started talking to a tall gentleman as the evening went on and he was talking about how, as a girl, i'd not have to pay for drinks there. He was saying that all the guys would want to touch my boobs and then buy me drinks for it. I thought he was nuts at the time. Well he turned out to be psudo-gay. He liked men and women. I guess that is called "Bi" but.. I really don't know. Labels are so outdated anymore. He and I are going to hang out sometime in the near future. I love making new and fun friends.
Well at the end of the night this great guy named Ken- who I believe was phillipino- came up to me and was like 'OMG. ..are those real!? Can I touch them!? I'm gay.. i have the card" So .. as I had been drinking much rum and cokes.. I let him fondle my boobs.
Still haven't figured out what that attraction is... or why i'm just fine letting a gay man fondle me publicly but I would have had issues if it had been the semi- straight guy i'd been talking to earlier that night asking for it.
Other observations about that night- its so nice as a girl to go to a gay bar. They are VERY complimentary. If they like how you look.. they TELL YOU. How you're "working it". Also, I walked out of the bathroom and got my butt spanked by a very cute man. SURPRISE! And yet, somehow it was totally ok.
I think gay bars are much more open and free. Even for the straight people in there. Straight men can relax a little (as long as they aren't homophobic) and women get the male attention they crave from the straight guys who are too worried about being "manly" to open up and speak their minds. The social rules are relaxed and for the most part everyone can just feel good.
And of course the eye candy is OUTSTANDING! Its very interesting talking about how hot one man looks to another man, and him agreeing. And for the most part- he'd be the one with the chance.
So i didn't quite find my new gay best friend- but at least I know where to start looking for one.
Faaabulous!
