Now this is one of those blogs where you, as the reader, will have to be utterly truthful with yourself in order to answer this question. We love to lie to ourselves based on what we think everyone else would want to hear or what we THINK we should be saying based on morality of the world- but sometimes those answers aren’t what we really feel deep down inside about an issue. That being said, think about these scenario and how you would REALLY feel.
You have been through the highs and the lows of the dating scene. Had your heart broken, crushed a few along the way, all in the hopes that you will be finding THE one that will make you the happiest person in the world. You’ve not settled, you’ve maintained your ideal and along the way- the universe answers your call. It sends you the perfect mate. He is your soul mate, the one you want to be with forever.
You get married, you move in together, you start having the most perfect children in the world. The job is stable, you’re happy- he’s happy- you’re all happy. This is what you’ve told yourself you wanted and now you have it.
What is it worth to you to keep?
Now, lets say, unbeknownst to you, your perfect husband isn’t so perfect? He has decided that you aren’t the one for him OR he’s just not satisfied with ONE person only and he cheats on you.
Would you want to know? That is my question- would you want to find out that your entire happiness that you’ve built up is called into question because he must find solace in the arms of others. What if he does love you but just can’t be faithful?
Everything you’ve wanted your entire life you have. Is peace of mind worth more than knowing about his piece of ass?
Now- flip that coin. Let say you are the one who cheats- for whatever reason- but you know that ultimately he will NEVER find out about it.
Do you still feel honor bound to tell him about it? Ruining HIS happiness to alleviate the guilt you feel about it? What is the right thing to do?
His happiness or your honor?
We all know that in both situations ONCE the transgression is known it will have to be dealt with- either in break up..trust lost.. etc etc.
My questions focus on the bliss we have when we’re ignorant. Our ability to fly before someone tells us we don’t have wings.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
The Guy Types v.1
The Athlete:
Advantages: Great Body, Good willpower, usually very focused, optimistic and has a winning attitude. Very competitive. Loves devoted fans.
Disadvantages: Frowns on Pizza and Ice cream nights, doesn’t like to sleep in on weekends, likes to point out where on you that need to work a little harder on. Doesn’t like to be wrong. Engages in locker room gossip.
The Professional
Advantages: Makes good money, has a nice car, doesn’t mind picking up the bar tab. Can be very outgoing, personable, friendly. Makes nice with mom and dad easily.
Disadvantages: Can be more devoted to work that you. Can’t be sure the line you’re hearing is the truth or a sales pitch. Can make you feel guilty for wanting more than he has to offer, even if what he thinks he has to offer is the material possessions. Has trouble discussing the deep emotions.
The Good ole boy
Advantages: Likes to have fun. Can play pool or darts for hours. Considers himself lucky to have a girl like you beside him. Is Independent and can look really good in Levi’s.
Disadvantages: That dead thing in the back of his truck he shot that morning. A penchant for enjoying the fine culinary tastes of pork rinds and Schlitz beer. The expanding beer gut. Will talk about the relationship but has trouble relating to our personal needs and sends us off to talk to our girlfriends about that.
The Foreigner:
Advantages: They can be garbage men, but when they speak in the sexy accent its makes us swoon. New cultural differences. Can be very exotic and charming. Are often less concerned about our body flaws than American men are. Fun and different.
Disadvantages: Language barriers make communication difficult. Cultural differences can also come into play down the line. Having parents that live in a foreign land, and can’t speak the language (this might be listed as an advantage).
The Metrosexual
Advantages: Always nicely turned out, from the shoes to the Armani sunglasses. Will go shopping with you, likes eating in nice restaurants, isn’t afraid to show the tender side and discuss emotions.
Disadvantages: Can be more dramatic than a girl sometimes. Often needs ego boosting and reinforcement. Might not be out of the closet.
The Rocker
Advantages: Can sing and play an instrument really well, which usually translates to being able to play you really well: physically and mentally. Likes the party and the fun life. Can be very soulful and intuitive and isn’t afraid of showing the tender side at times.
Disadvantages: Sometimes the “Life Fandango” has to stop. Can be obsessed with the music more than anything else. Has the potential to mooch.
The Geek
Advantages: Very smart and intellectual. Will worship a good woman because he thanks god she is showing up. Enjoys quiet evenings in and doesn’t need to be the life of a party or even go to a party. Can be a romantic at heart.
Disadvantages: Saturday morning Magic games at the Anime store. Will forget your name after he makes his first million for inventing A.I. Pocket protectors are still worn in secret cult meetings.
The Nice Guy
Advantages: Will do anything for you, at any time, for any reason you want and not ask for anything in return. Is always there to give a shoulder to cry on. Make possibly the best dating material but often over looked for flashier types.
Disadvantages: Their propensity to give of themselves can sometimes be mistaken for spinelessness. Don’t push an advantage so its not always known they are attracted to us until we’re with someone else and they feel they have nothing to lose by coming clean. Will get upset when we use them for rebound guys.
The Player
Advantages: Exciting, adventurous, intelligent. Has all the right lines and perfect timing on when to say them. Usually very well dressed, but makes it look casual. Confident and egotistical in all the right ways.
Disadvantages: Commitment issues. Once the challenge is gone, he is easily bored and will need to move on to a new game. Can’t trust him easily. Only way to really get him is to beat him at his own game.
The Loner
Advantages: Very devoted to you. Doesn’t want to stray or be with others. Very romantic and deep. Feels the weight of the world and enjoys your company on the lonely road through life.
Disadvantages: Anti-social. Can turn demanding and want to hide you away from the rest of the world as well. Don’t drink his kool-aid.
The Party Guy
Advantages: Can do a 10 second keg stand with out a hitch. Has the fraternity boy/perpetual youth thing going for him. Is good for mass parties or even hanging out at home playing board games. Loves having you along for the ride.
Disadvantages: Buy lots of advil for the perpetual hangover. Don’t expect the very deep conversations about life because this fella doesn’t want to grow up yet. Prone to jealousy.
The Celebrity
Advantages: He’s famous and usually very very hot
Disadvantages: Probably married, or if not, at the least will leave you without remembering your name. Ever. Chance you’ll be caught on camera and posted online for everyone to see is high- always smile in public.
The Homosexual
Advantages: Is like a girlfriend. Will take you shopping. Has a lot of fun. Very clean and respectful. A shoulder to cry on and someone who will honestly tell you that “Yes, that dress makes you look fat”
Disadvantages: Will steal the hot guy you were checking out. NO, you can’t turn him straight, no matter how hard you try.
The Military Man
Advantages: Looks good in uniform. Polite, respectful. Can be obedient and commanding at the same time. Very good protection and provider.
Disadvantages: Long distance relationships. Frequent moves, might have to fight in a war. Will leave you with a baby to do the duty to the country, and maybe a new rash from his last leave.
*****************************************************************************
Disclaimer: This list is just for fun, it is overly stereotypical in nature and doesn't represent all aspects of any one type of man. Please feel free to correct me where i'm wrong or add on to where i'm right hehehe
Advantages: Great Body, Good willpower, usually very focused, optimistic and has a winning attitude. Very competitive. Loves devoted fans.
Disadvantages: Frowns on Pizza and Ice cream nights, doesn’t like to sleep in on weekends, likes to point out where on you that need to work a little harder on. Doesn’t like to be wrong. Engages in locker room gossip.
The Professional
Advantages: Makes good money, has a nice car, doesn’t mind picking up the bar tab. Can be very outgoing, personable, friendly. Makes nice with mom and dad easily.
Disadvantages: Can be more devoted to work that you. Can’t be sure the line you’re hearing is the truth or a sales pitch. Can make you feel guilty for wanting more than he has to offer, even if what he thinks he has to offer is the material possessions. Has trouble discussing the deep emotions.
The Good ole boy
Advantages: Likes to have fun. Can play pool or darts for hours. Considers himself lucky to have a girl like you beside him. Is Independent and can look really good in Levi’s.
Disadvantages: That dead thing in the back of his truck he shot that morning. A penchant for enjoying the fine culinary tastes of pork rinds and Schlitz beer. The expanding beer gut. Will talk about the relationship but has trouble relating to our personal needs and sends us off to talk to our girlfriends about that.
The Foreigner:
Advantages: They can be garbage men, but when they speak in the sexy accent its makes us swoon. New cultural differences. Can be very exotic and charming. Are often less concerned about our body flaws than American men are. Fun and different.
Disadvantages: Language barriers make communication difficult. Cultural differences can also come into play down the line. Having parents that live in a foreign land, and can’t speak the language (this might be listed as an advantage).
The Metrosexual
Advantages: Always nicely turned out, from the shoes to the Armani sunglasses. Will go shopping with you, likes eating in nice restaurants, isn’t afraid to show the tender side and discuss emotions.
Disadvantages: Can be more dramatic than a girl sometimes. Often needs ego boosting and reinforcement. Might not be out of the closet.
The Rocker
Advantages: Can sing and play an instrument really well, which usually translates to being able to play you really well: physically and mentally. Likes the party and the fun life. Can be very soulful and intuitive and isn’t afraid of showing the tender side at times.
Disadvantages: Sometimes the “Life Fandango” has to stop. Can be obsessed with the music more than anything else. Has the potential to mooch.
The Geek
Advantages: Very smart and intellectual. Will worship a good woman because he thanks god she is showing up. Enjoys quiet evenings in and doesn’t need to be the life of a party or even go to a party. Can be a romantic at heart.
Disadvantages: Saturday morning Magic games at the Anime store. Will forget your name after he makes his first million for inventing A.I. Pocket protectors are still worn in secret cult meetings.
The Nice Guy
Advantages: Will do anything for you, at any time, for any reason you want and not ask for anything in return. Is always there to give a shoulder to cry on. Make possibly the best dating material but often over looked for flashier types.
Disadvantages: Their propensity to give of themselves can sometimes be mistaken for spinelessness. Don’t push an advantage so its not always known they are attracted to us until we’re with someone else and they feel they have nothing to lose by coming clean. Will get upset when we use them for rebound guys.
The Player
Advantages: Exciting, adventurous, intelligent. Has all the right lines and perfect timing on when to say them. Usually very well dressed, but makes it look casual. Confident and egotistical in all the right ways.
Disadvantages: Commitment issues. Once the challenge is gone, he is easily bored and will need to move on to a new game. Can’t trust him easily. Only way to really get him is to beat him at his own game.
The Loner
Advantages: Very devoted to you. Doesn’t want to stray or be with others. Very romantic and deep. Feels the weight of the world and enjoys your company on the lonely road through life.
Disadvantages: Anti-social. Can turn demanding and want to hide you away from the rest of the world as well. Don’t drink his kool-aid.
The Party Guy
Advantages: Can do a 10 second keg stand with out a hitch. Has the fraternity boy/perpetual youth thing going for him. Is good for mass parties or even hanging out at home playing board games. Loves having you along for the ride.
Disadvantages: Buy lots of advil for the perpetual hangover. Don’t expect the very deep conversations about life because this fella doesn’t want to grow up yet. Prone to jealousy.
The Celebrity
Advantages: He’s famous and usually very very hot
Disadvantages: Probably married, or if not, at the least will leave you without remembering your name. Ever. Chance you’ll be caught on camera and posted online for everyone to see is high- always smile in public.
The Homosexual
Advantages: Is like a girlfriend. Will take you shopping. Has a lot of fun. Very clean and respectful. A shoulder to cry on and someone who will honestly tell you that “Yes, that dress makes you look fat”
Disadvantages: Will steal the hot guy you were checking out. NO, you can’t turn him straight, no matter how hard you try.
The Military Man
Advantages: Looks good in uniform. Polite, respectful. Can be obedient and commanding at the same time. Very good protection and provider.
Disadvantages: Long distance relationships. Frequent moves, might have to fight in a war. Will leave you with a baby to do the duty to the country, and maybe a new rash from his last leave.
*****************************************************************************
Disclaimer: This list is just for fun, it is overly stereotypical in nature and doesn't represent all aspects of any one type of man. Please feel free to correct me where i'm wrong or add on to where i'm right hehehe
Monday, March 05, 2007
Getting Felt Up By A Gay Man
This weekend I went to a gay bar with a group of friends. Now I've been to them before in KC but not in awhile. I forget how fun they can be.
First of all it was karaoke night- and this was a new experience - hearing ANY song being sung by any gender. KT Tunstall's Black Horse and the Cherry Tree was done by a very prim and proper looking man to the delight of the crowd.
I started talking to a tall gentleman as the evening went on and he was talking about how, as a girl, i'd not have to pay for drinks there. He was saying that all the guys would want to touch my boobs and then buy me drinks for it. I thought he was nuts at the time. Well he turned out to be psudo-gay. He liked men and women. I guess that is called "Bi" but.. I really don't know. Labels are so outdated anymore. He and I are going to hang out sometime in the near future. I love making new and fun friends.
Well at the end of the night this great guy named Ken- who I believe was phillipino- came up to me and was like 'OMG. ..are those real!? Can I touch them!? I'm gay.. i have the card" So .. as I had been drinking much rum and cokes.. I let him fondle my boobs.
Still haven't figured out what that attraction is... or why i'm just fine letting a gay man fondle me publicly but I would have had issues if it had been the semi- straight guy i'd been talking to earlier that night asking for it.
Other observations about that night- its so nice as a girl to go to a gay bar. They are VERY complimentary. If they like how you look.. they TELL YOU. How you're "working it". Also, I walked out of the bathroom and got my butt spanked by a very cute man. SURPRISE! And yet, somehow it was totally ok.
I think gay bars are much more open and free. Even for the straight people in there. Straight men can relax a little (as long as they aren't homophobic) and women get the male attention they crave from the straight guys who are too worried about being "manly" to open up and speak their minds. The social rules are relaxed and for the most part everyone can just feel good.
And of course the eye candy is OUTSTANDING! Its very interesting talking about how hot one man looks to another man, and him agreeing. And for the most part- he'd be the one with the chance.
So i didn't quite find my new gay best friend- but at least I know where to start looking for one.
Faaabulous!
First of all it was karaoke night- and this was a new experience - hearing ANY song being sung by any gender. KT Tunstall's Black Horse and the Cherry Tree was done by a very prim and proper looking man to the delight of the crowd.
I started talking to a tall gentleman as the evening went on and he was talking about how, as a girl, i'd not have to pay for drinks there. He was saying that all the guys would want to touch my boobs and then buy me drinks for it. I thought he was nuts at the time. Well he turned out to be psudo-gay. He liked men and women. I guess that is called "Bi" but.. I really don't know. Labels are so outdated anymore. He and I are going to hang out sometime in the near future. I love making new and fun friends.
Well at the end of the night this great guy named Ken- who I believe was phillipino- came up to me and was like 'OMG. ..are those real!? Can I touch them!? I'm gay.. i have the card" So .. as I had been drinking much rum and cokes.. I let him fondle my boobs.
Still haven't figured out what that attraction is... or why i'm just fine letting a gay man fondle me publicly but I would have had issues if it had been the semi- straight guy i'd been talking to earlier that night asking for it.
Other observations about that night- its so nice as a girl to go to a gay bar. They are VERY complimentary. If they like how you look.. they TELL YOU. How you're "working it". Also, I walked out of the bathroom and got my butt spanked by a very cute man. SURPRISE! And yet, somehow it was totally ok.
I think gay bars are much more open and free. Even for the straight people in there. Straight men can relax a little (as long as they aren't homophobic) and women get the male attention they crave from the straight guys who are too worried about being "manly" to open up and speak their minds. The social rules are relaxed and for the most part everyone can just feel good.
And of course the eye candy is OUTSTANDING! Its very interesting talking about how hot one man looks to another man, and him agreeing. And for the most part- he'd be the one with the chance.
So i didn't quite find my new gay best friend- but at least I know where to start looking for one.
Faaabulous!
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Why Can't We Be Friends?
Age old topic revisited: Can men and women ever just be friends? A question so important that there had to be a movie about the issue. Everyone one remembers When Harry Met Sally.
Side Note: Best quote from the movie “So then I snuck into her willage”
At the end of that movie they succeeded in proving that NO- men and women can’t just be friends. As much as Meg Ryan’s character in her flighty batty way that has made her million’s of dollars protested the fact- she ended up falling for the Billy Crystal character.
It is the natural reaction though- did anyone leave the audience or turn off the movie expecting any differently? Deep down we all know the answer: NO. Someone is always attracted at some level to the member of the opposite sex that they call their friend. Yes there are always exceptions- but by and large- its true that one person in a male/female relationship will find the other attractive enough on some level to want to be with them.
But its OK for that to happen. There is nothing wrong with that! We are biologically programmed that way. We seek it out as a basic instinct.
Why would we pick a mate that was fundamentally different than the kind of person from the opposite gender that we would choose to make our friend?
How many times have we been at weddings where the bride or the groom make the statement “I married my best friend.” The level of trust we must have with someone to make them our best friend break down the walls that we put up to protect ourselves. Friends have the capability to hurt us as badly as lovers do, and sometimes even more. It is natural to want to hold onto that feeling of security and trust and many times it becomes love on a romantic level.
It does become difficult, however, when the friend you have doesn’t feel the same way. For whatever reason they are your friend, but either not as into you as you are into them- or they have someone else in mind that they would rather be with. This is the difficult situation that no one likes to find themselves in, but most of us probably have. Sometimes the friendship means more to the other than the potential relationship. Sex complicates everything so taking it to that level could destroy even the most solid of friendships. I’m a victim of this myself, and though I don’t regret my decisions, I wish it could have ended differently.
I’m curious to know if there are any strictly platonic friendships out there- from both sides. I am not saying that there has to be any physical ACTION between friends but that there is the DESIRE for it, even if circumstances permit it. For instance: married friends.
I might be inexperienced in this realm, not having been married myself, but from what I can tell in my short lifespan so far- its not possible but it is natural and we shouldn’t get hung up on it.
Side Note: Best quote from the movie “So then I snuck into her willage”
At the end of that movie they succeeded in proving that NO- men and women can’t just be friends. As much as Meg Ryan’s character in her flighty batty way that has made her million’s of dollars protested the fact- she ended up falling for the Billy Crystal character.
It is the natural reaction though- did anyone leave the audience or turn off the movie expecting any differently? Deep down we all know the answer: NO. Someone is always attracted at some level to the member of the opposite sex that they call their friend. Yes there are always exceptions- but by and large- its true that one person in a male/female relationship will find the other attractive enough on some level to want to be with them.
But its OK for that to happen. There is nothing wrong with that! We are biologically programmed that way. We seek it out as a basic instinct.
Why would we pick a mate that was fundamentally different than the kind of person from the opposite gender that we would choose to make our friend?
How many times have we been at weddings where the bride or the groom make the statement “I married my best friend.” The level of trust we must have with someone to make them our best friend break down the walls that we put up to protect ourselves. Friends have the capability to hurt us as badly as lovers do, and sometimes even more. It is natural to want to hold onto that feeling of security and trust and many times it becomes love on a romantic level.
It does become difficult, however, when the friend you have doesn’t feel the same way. For whatever reason they are your friend, but either not as into you as you are into them- or they have someone else in mind that they would rather be with. This is the difficult situation that no one likes to find themselves in, but most of us probably have. Sometimes the friendship means more to the other than the potential relationship. Sex complicates everything so taking it to that level could destroy even the most solid of friendships. I’m a victim of this myself, and though I don’t regret my decisions, I wish it could have ended differently.
I’m curious to know if there are any strictly platonic friendships out there- from both sides. I am not saying that there has to be any physical ACTION between friends but that there is the DESIRE for it, even if circumstances permit it. For instance: married friends.
I might be inexperienced in this realm, not having been married myself, but from what I can tell in my short lifespan so far- its not possible but it is natural and we shouldn’t get hung up on it.
