Breaking Down the Bad Boy

Is it the tattoos? The disregard for authority? The sarcasm and inflated egos? What is it about bad boys that make them so damn attractive?

The range of "bad" boy can go from the class clown type to the smartass to the con- but run the gambit and I am betting there is a woman out there that is attracted to them all. There are the nice guys out there that complain "Why do women date assholes?" while there are plenty of women who secretly wish their nice guy was more of an asshole himself sometimes.

The patterns are set- they don't call us back, they don't tell us we're special. They don't remember our birthdays or bother to call at 3 am when out with the boys even though they know we're up waiting. The booty call is almost expected behavior and heaven forbid if we show feelings or emotions when we're with them. Nothing sends a bad boy running for the hills faster than "can we talk?". And yet- we go back for more.

I think it might have something to do with being the drop that sticks to the ducks back when all the others have fallen off. If we can be that ONE that catches his attention and manages to hold it- it makes us better than all the rest that have come before us.

Or perhaps is the survival of the fittest- these bad boys are the gladiators- the alpha males- and we don't just want the men who will play fair but the ones who will win at all costs. Have we gone from wanting the white knight to save us- or are we now rooting for the black knight to carry us away in hopes that we can find that hidden good in him that he will reveal only to his one true conquest?

That is the real fantasy- that we put faith in our ability to tame the beast within him once we have captured his attention. That belief that the bad boy will change his ways once he has fallen in love.. with us. Love is a powerful force- and too often has been used to castrate a man's spirit into the one thing he fears most- complacency.

True love is acceptance. If the thing we like most about a man is his independence and irreverence, his pride and his strength then we should be affirming it instead of trying to change it. Supporting the behavior instead of challenging it. How surprised would a man be if you told him you loved it when he forgot to call you- or how great it is that he pushes the limits.

Lets face it, if we WANTED a nice guy, there are MANY of them around. They are the white knight types who rescue a woman and are romantic and sweet. The best friend, the lover, he is as prevalent as the scoundrel. Its Ashley Wilkes vs. Rhett Butler.

I have dated the nice guy- hell I even talked of marriage to one, but in the end I knew it was not a life for me. I enjoy the challenge and the game. I like the thrill of the chase and being pursued. Bad boys do pursue just as much and often with a stronger intent in order to win.

If you find yourself liking the bad boy, don't be ashamed!! Accept it proudly and understand it for what it is. It is a testament to a woman who is confident enough in herself to be able to attract the dark knight and be true to herself in letting him be true to himself.